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Secondhand stress is the sense of tension or overwhelm brought on by being around or watching someone else's stress. Even if individuals are not directly involved in the source of stress, it happens when they are negatively impacted by the stress of those around them.
In this podcast, Eliz Greene talks about an interesting topic- Secondhand stress. She discusses in detail the causes and consequences of the same and how they can put negative impact on employees.
Key Takeaways
- Secondhand stress is a mirror-neuron reaction, not weakness. When someone dumps stress on you, your neurons mirror theirs — the same mechanism that makes empathy possible also raises your cortisol, blood pressure, and heart rate. Eliz frames it as a natural physiological event you can manage, not a character flaw.
- Watch for "lightning rod" employees. On every team there's one person — the approachable one — who absorbs everyone else's stress. They run a chronic cortisol load and struggle to get their own work done. Leaders need to identify and protect them, not just rely on them.
- Three questions to disarm a stress-dumping interaction. (1) What if this is the best they can do? (2) What if there's something about this situation I don't understand? (3) What if this isn't about me? Each reframes the reaction from personal to situational and validates the other person before solving.
- "Do you need me to solve this or just talk about it?" Her practical script: before launching into solutions with someone you care about, ask permission. "I have a couple of ideas if you'd like to hear them" beats unsolicited advice — and lets the other person name what they actually need.
- Exercise is the antidote to stress because of what it signals. The point isn't fitness; it's teaching the body that "the threat is over, release the cortisol." Raise heart rate for 10 minutes, bring it back down. Cheering at a sports game, singing, laughing, and deep breathing all do the same physiological job.
- Frontline workers need designed protection, not resilience lectures. For customer-facing roles, secondhand stress is the job. Employers who acknowledge this build in normalized vacations, break policies, mental-health access, and supervisors employees aren't ashamed to flag stress to. That turns a high-turnover role into a retainable one.
- Predictability is the best gift a leader gives. Eliz's takeaway from hundreds of leader/employee interviews: people "walk through fire" for managers who react consistently. When employees can't predict how you'll respond, every interaction becomes its own small stress event.
In Eliz's Words
On the mechanics of secondhand stress
If somebody on the other line is having a bad day and they're angry, your body is signalled that there's anger in the environment. Your neurons mirror theirs. That's actually how empathy works.
I call this stress dumping. Somebody's having a bad day, they come and pour their stress all over you and your body reacts to it. It's a natural reaction — it's not that you're handling it badly.
When it triggers stickier blood, higher blood pressure, higher heart rate — now your brain can't really think creatively or critically. Those are the things that make it very hard to do the job at hand.
On the three questions that change the interaction
What if this is the best they can do? Give them the grace that their reaction in the situation is the best they can do right now. Listen, validate. "I can understand why you're angry about that."
What if there's something about this situation I don't understand? We come to life with different experiences. What doesn't seem like a big deal to you may absolutely be a big deal to them.
What if this is not about me? Very few people wake up saying, "My plan is to make Dipshi's day horrible today." It allows you to deal with the problem rather than the emotion.
On signalling the body to let stress go
Raise your heart rate for 10 minutes and bring it back down. That's why exercise is called the antidote to stress — you're signalling your body that something has changed, time to let the cortisol go.
Laughing, singing in the shower or the car, crying, any change in your breath — all signals. Meditation is high-potency because you're changing your breath and turning off the brain that keeps re-triggering the reaction.
Chronic high cortisol makes it hard to sleep, and sleep is one of the most efficient ways to clear cortisol. You get into a loop. Something before bedtime to disconnect really helps.
On what employers should build for frontline staff
For public-facing employees, secondhand stress is part of the job. If employers design an environment that recognises this — gives them tools, normalises taking vacations, taking breaks, talking to mental health professionals, and talking to supervisors without being shamed — people can work and live well under that pressure.
People will walk through fire when they feel seen, valued, and connected to the mission. And the best gift any leader can give their people is to be predictable — employees can count on how you'll react and what support you'll provide.
On connecting health to what you don't want to miss
We all know what we're supposed to do. We're not supposed to, we don't usually do things we're supposed to do — we do things we want to do. So connect what you need to do to a moment you don't want to miss. I exercise 30 minutes a day because I don't want to miss my daughters' graduations.
About the Speaker
Stress is not good or bad. It is a natural reaction we have towards the environment. - Eliz Greene
Eliz Greene is an author, blogger, and professional speaker who gets ridiculously excited about stress. She not only finds the chemical reaction in the body caused by stress fascinating, but stress is also her favorite topic to speak about, write about, or discuss in line at the grocery store.
With a surgically repaired heart, Eliz also knows stress management isn’t a ‘nice-to-have,' but rather an essential survival skill.
She is the author of five books, including Stress-Proof Your Life and a Top 50 Health and Wellness Blog. She was named a Top Online Influencer on Stress and Heart Health. She’s been seen on CNN, PBS, Lifetime, TNT, and many national and local news programs.
A national spokesperson and advocate for the American Heart Association, Eliz received the Heart Hero Award in 2010. Today, Eliz is happy and healthy living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, with her wonderful husband, Clay, and their amazing (now adult) daughters.
Connect with me on Linkedin
Show Notes
(00:31) Tell us about your journey in the field of wellness.
(03:10) What is second hand stress? Is it contagious?
(11:49) What are the signs that imply you are suffering from it?
(13:59) What is the primary cause of secondhand stress?
(26:40) What are the life-threatening consequences that can develop because of it?
(28:42) What are some ways to resist the stress of others?
(34:41) How can employers do anything to identify and reduce the secondhand stress of their employers?
(37:51) Would you like to share any more valuable suggestions with our listeners?
